Drink from me and live forever: the case for Vampire Jesus.


I know that you lot are used to getting scintillating, intellectually challenging, and delightfully witty posts from me here at the Tea Cosy. Which is why, today, I’m dealing with one of the most pressing issues of our time. One of the major misunderstandings of the (Western) world. Something that affects us all.

I’m referring, of course, to what is traditionally referred to as Zombie Jesus Day. In recent years a large body of literature has grown up asserting that Jesus, a reasonably historically-relevant Palestinian from the latter-day Roman era, suffered beyond the end of his life from infection with a zombie virus. The evidence given for this hypothesis is based on several sources from the (almost) contemporary literature which describe Jesus as having become reanimated after his demise. This is, of course, a major feature of zombie infection. However, a more in-depth look into the symptoms of zombification leads me to doubt that this was, in fact, the condition which Jesus suffered from. I contend, instead, that he was infected with the relatively more benign vampirism strain of the undead family of viruses.

Continue reading over at the Tea Cosy’s new home! See you there🙂

16 thoughts on “Drink from me and live forever: the case for Vampire Jesus.

  1. I think I just converted to the church of Vampire Jesus.

  2. Pingback: Zombie Jesus vs. Vampire Jesus. | Curmudgeonly Progressive

  3. Perfect! Well done.

  4. Awesome. Now my age-old dilemma of — “Who would win: Bruce Campbell or Zombie Jesus?” — is moot. My life is again sans great internal strife.

  5. Hi, here from feministe. I’m amused because I’m working on a novel where the vampires have decided they are not evil, not afraid of the cross, and are, in fact, God’s special people, the firstfruits of the resurrection of the dead, given eternal life in this world and the next.

    And yes, all of that makes sense. Did not Jesus command his followers to drink his blood, as a remembrance until he comes back?

  6. Sounds like a fun premise, that. I’d read it🙂

  7. I saw “vampire Jesus” and choked on my water. LAWL I love this post!

  8. I absolutely loved this post. What does it for me is the serious anthropological (mortological?) language describing the behavior of zombies and vamps…. Classic!

  9. Bumb founded , is me ! True queeristy in this piece…

  10. Pingback: OMG! 200 posts! | Consider the Tea Cosy

  11. Pingback: Drink from me and live forever: the (updated) case for Vampire Jesus. | Consider the Tea Cosy

  12. Jesus wasn’t Palestinian, by today’s understanding he was a Jew from Galilee. Though Jesus would have denied ethnicity, his preferred moniker was the Son of Man.

  13. Pingback: OMG! 200 posts!

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