Hello there! Brain here.
Listen, I know we haven’t been getting along lately. While you haven’t said anything, I’m getting the idea that you’re a little upset by my failure to get you impregnated. I think it’s about time that you and me had a little chat and cleared the air.
I know that you really want to be pregnant. I guess that having that denied month after month for so long must be upsetting for you. Please don’t feel like I- or any of your other fellow organs- have been ignoring you. Trust me, we’ve noticed you. Oh, we’ve noticed.
We haven’t been ignoring you out of spite. We just, well.. We thought it might be a good idea to let you get this out of your system, so to speak. We heard that anger and denial were major parts of the grieving process and we didn’t want to get in your way. And, if I’m to be honest, a few of the other organs were a bit intimidated by you. They saw what you’d done to Endometrium and they didn’t want to be next. Seriously, dude. You just chew that lining up and spit it out, after all your trouble growing it. It’s a little scary.
Like I said, I understand that you really want to be pregnant. But us lobes have gone over this, and we’ve had to decide against it. It’s nothing personal, really. We just think that it’s better for all the other organs and for our individual as a whole if we don’t do it. She’s perfectly happy without kids. Besides, there’s all sorts of things- money, a decent size place to live, a partnership with someone who’ll coparent- that she’d need to have in the meantime. That, and have you any idea what being pregnant would do to you? And not just you. To the rest of the organs as well. Pregnancy should really be a full-body decision.
So please, Uterus, can you accept that you’ve been heard? Could you think about maybe not throwing massive tantrums every time you don’t get your way? Maybe therapy might help you to feel better? You’ve been single-minded for years- have you thought about taking up a new hobby?
I speak for all of us organs when I say that I really do care about you and want you to be happy. When you’re unhappy, we all feel it. We really, really do. If there’s anything we can do to make things easier for you, do let us know.
Thank you for listening, and I hope things can be better between us from now on,
Your one and only,
- Andrej Pejic’s Uterus Hat Causes Scandal in Australia (jezebel.com)
- Keenly aware of the moss growing in my uterus (cathyzielske.typepad.com)
- Artificial Wombs In the Near Future? (science.slashdot.org)