Jerkbrain, trampolines, gardening.


Imagine you’re in a garden. It’s a sunny day. A big, green garden- shady trees in one corner and a great big lawn, tons of flowers and somebody’s cooking on the barbecue over by the house. You’re on a trampoline. You twist your ankle- or have you broken your leg? You try to get off the trampoline but you can’t find the way out. You know you need to stop bouncing but the door is gone, there’s netting all around you and everything you do just bounces you more.

You’re still in the garden. You love trampolining. Everyone knows you love trampolining. You know that you’d be fine if you could just get out of this trampoline and sit by the barbecue or under the trees until your ankle heals. It’s still a sunny day. Your foot is getting worse, you can’t get out, and you can’t stop bouncing.

It feels like that, sometimes. I’m in the midst of this fantastic life, surrounded by things that I love. I should be having the time of my life- but all I can do is keep bouncing on that goddamn ankle.

It’s not like that all the time. Eventually I find the way out, figure things out.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been blogging as much as normal. It’s partially being stuck on that trampoline and not having any goddamn energy left to deal with messed-up things in the outside world. Partially that a couple of months ago I started a job and moved house and a whole bunch of other things in my life changed and working out what shape my new normal is supposed to be seems to be taking a while. Also, work involves sitting in front of a screen and when I get home all I want to do is anything else. I’m tempted to turn this into somewhere I talk about gardening and cooking and skating and all sorts of things that have nothing to do with keyboards. 

Speaking of gardening, check out these pics of what I did this weekend. With my bare hands (okay, there were gardening gloves involved) I turned this:

garden before

 

Into this:

garden sunday

Important to note there is the massive pile of rocks you can not quite see in the right hand side of the picture. Those rocks used to live in the Future Veggie Patch. They do not live there any more. Because ME.

 

5 thoughts on “Jerkbrain, trampolines, gardening.

  1. I hope things go better with the trampoline.

  2. Power to YOU for making the veggie patch happen.

    I wish I was the kinda person who did those things, but I have special talents for killing plants. Especially herbs, they are my specialty (mainly because I try those most frequently cause I think PLANTS! PRACTICAL! … then they die).

    As for the trampoline, I know the feeling. I don’t know the background for what you’re struggling with right now (I think? I hope you know, if you need to talk I’m here). For me atm, I find nights when I feel a bit down even though everything around me is actually going pretty damn amazing, but I realized I am very much in flux at the moment and working on and figuring out how I want my way to be, so I am letting go of bad support networks from the past, and building up new and healthier ones, but that also means I am at times sort of in a place where I no longer have access to (all of) my old support network, and the new is not quite there yet. But I’m getting there, one day and one step at a time.

  3. Ohh, yes, to the trampoline. I can definitely understand those feels. You and I seem to be in a very similar period of WTF Is My New Normal, Where Is It, I Would LIke It Now Please. Only yours has a veggie patch, so well done you🙂

    Don’t apologize for the lack of writing. Self-care is hugely important. No one is going to look at you sideways if just just bounce on your good leg for a while. (And if they do, well, hopefully they’ll strain their eyes and that’ll serve them right. :p )

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