Making it look easy: Poly


“Wow. You guys are so casual. I wish I could do that!”

Said to me and my Main Bromiga, after I told her to go visit my girlfriend and give her a giant smoooooch right on the lips for me. Because my girlfriend is her girlfriend, who lives in a different city and who the Bromiga’ll be seeing in a couple of days.

Right now, we make it look easy. We tease each other constantly. We rhapsodise about Mutual Girlfriend’s many wonderful qualities. It’s a hell of a lot of fun.

It wasn’t always this easy. We worked to get here. We worked hard. In the beginning, there were weeks of long, difficult conversations. Saying things that were hard to say and hearing things that were harder. There were times when I wondered what the hell I was doing. I wondered if all of this would be worth it in the end. I was scared of hurting myself or either of these people I loved. And we talked more. There were tears, more than once. We spent weeks blindly talking, communicating, trying to figure out where we could all be happy in this unmapped terrain.

People assume that poly people have some kind of magic. That we’re miraculously free of jealousy and insecurities. We’re not, you know. I get jealous at times. I get insecure. So do the people I love. We’re only human, you know? I just talk to the people I love, love them as hard as I can, and trust them as well as I’m able.

And it seems to me that if you do that long enough, things mainly turn out okay.